Redrum Deathmatches - Unreal


A theoretical War story........

Posted by oZ on November 23, 2012 at 6:35 AM


The Redrum-Newbies War (2013-2016)

By Hyzoran aka Jesse Kowalik


The Redrum Empire is mobilizing it's troops in preparation for the assault on Newbies


A theoretical war between the Redrum Empire and the Replublic of Newbies Playground.

Predicted to start sometimes in mid 2013, and cause universal chaos in the land of Na-Pali.

The Current Emperor, and good ally to the Newbies Republic ,Lord oZ, gets drunk and wakes up in Thailand, where he is captured and soon executed by Rouge Members of


The two eligible successors to the throne (Annihilation aka 'Pothead the

great' and Hooked on Phonics aka 'Farmer Jim') soon battle it out to take control over

the throne. An unknown Assailant, believed to be from deep within the ranks of

Packleader's bandits, shoots, and kills Annihilation while strolling his GTA-style city

built in Unreal.

Hooked Ascends to the throne, and fueled by madness and greed, starts to invade other factions within the Unreal community in a series of blitzkrieg-style attacks.

The Oldunreal Kingdom hires Mercenary groups HLK and UDHQ to aid in the war, and are stationed just outside Oldunreal's borders in Nyleve falls. HLK are soon overwhelmed as UDHQ showed up only momentarily, before their communications network went down for the 9th time since their formation and returned home to investigate what happened.

Oldunreal is slowly conquered from the more numerous, and slightly superior forces of the Redrum empire.

Oldunreal, its last remaining hope, uses its last secret weapon, the Vortex Cannon v 227j.

The Prototype weapon fires off a shot, obliterating a massive chunk of the Redrum 12th division, lead by Commander Itachi.

Weapons Operator :..:. attempts to fire another shot, but the 227j suffers a system

failure, and goes critical.

Weapons Designer KAOS Casey, disbands from the Oldunreal military technologies research team, criticizing King Smirf and Dots as responsible for the weapon's failure.

Redrum's Bombers soon bombard the Capital of Oldunreal, ISV Kran, which is destroyed, killing King Smirf and many of Oldunreal's top officials.

Pitbull and :..:. manage to escape along with most of the Oldunreal 2nd General

division, and the 4th Oldunreal Mechwarrior lance. Pitbull and :..:. travel to the Newbies Replublic to warn them off the growing Redrum Empire, and offer to train their armed forces in combat and offer them advanced military technology.

Newbies Replublic's massive production and economic capability, paired with the

advanced technology, is able to produced a sizable, and strong military comparable to that of Redrum, but is still too weak to contend with the evergrowing Redrum.

Redrum soon conquers HLK, OMC, and many other small nations.

Redrum forms an alliance with UnrealSP, who soons declares war on UDHQ and Newbies. UDHQ and Newbies form an alliance as a result, but are heavily outnumbered, and out gunned by the superior technology of UnrealSP and the superior manpower of redrum. A massive war ensues with massive casulties on each side.

High Ranking Military officers on both sides such as Rubicon, Strategy, Harddrive,

Jackrabbit, Pitbull, Moe, Mindsaver, Melissa, boober, Jinx and many others are taken

prisoner of war by the opposing side. A prisoner exchange is neogtiated, but Packleader's bandit group bombs the neutral area of the prisoner exchange and everyone is killed, along with Negotiators Spinach of Newbies and Bman of Redrum.

The War continues for several more years before Glenn of Newbies has an idea to help Newbies win the war. Glenn suggests that Chancellor Sparky attempt to contact their distant ally, the UAOK empire, located in a distant star system.

Sparky agrees and sends Foreign relations minister Kamikaze to the distant system to Contact Kyrek Hyzoran. Kyrek Hyzoran, previously a high ranking official in the Redrum empire, resigned to form his own Empire in the distant reaches of space.

Hyzoran, after being informed by Kamikaze of the situation, takes his best regiments and calls the help of his Mercenary Allies All Rights Reserved and Bob is Unreal to help Newbies in the war.

With the Help of UAOK and the Elite Mercenaries, Newbies is able to capture Farmer Jim and destroy UnrealSp.

After close interrogation and examination, it is revealed that Farmer Jim was possessed by Epic Games, who are attempting to destroy the Unreal community in order to get them to buy Gears of War. Jim is pardoned by Hyzoran, as they prepare for the next battle.

All the remaining warriors of the Unreal community form up to the gates of Epic Games. The now proclaimed Emperor of Unreal, Hyzoran, proceeds to the gate and shouts "May the Dark Lord Tim Sweeney come forth, Let justice be done upon him!" After a momentary pause, the gates of Epic Games opens and a massive army of steroid-high glowing armor douchebags from Gears of War march out of the gates. Kyrek Hyzoran turns around and proclaims "For Unreal." Everyone charges, and a massive battle between good and evil ensues. The battle lasts months as the invincible Unreal warriors kills millions of Gears soldiers. For each Unreal warrior Lost, over 60,000 gears are killed. Epic Game's Emphisis of Quantity of Quality, aka Consoles over PC, backfires as the soldiers are barely able to kill a single Unreal warrior. The battle ends with victory for Unreal.

The Final Casulties are 5 men for Unreal, and 21,684,468,864,256 for Epic Games.

After the war, the Unreal community forces Epic Games to make Unreal 3, and order is restored to Na Pali. The great priestess Kitty ressurects from the dead all those who are killed in the war, including Late Emperor oZ. oZ, in return for saving Unreal, finally grants Kyrek Hyzoran an admin position in Redrum, after being impeached for misconduct before.

An era of peace follows.

The end.

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Reply Loosie
5:38 PM on December 15, 2012 
lol nice story
Reply Hyzoran
7:46 PM on December 28, 2012 
Reply oZ
5:35 AM on January 22, 2013